More Crafty Shirts.

Because Tiffani wasn't enough.

Kelly Kapowski, We Hardly Knew Ye.

Yes - it IS Saved By The Bell's Tiffani-Amber Thiessen ( with a Y in those days), modelling 1980s crafty t-shirts with bears and cacti. Thanks to Kristen for finding this blackmailing gem at a local thrift store. I particularly love the Lolita look...

Felix Coniunctio.

"That's very nice, children. I'm so proud of you. Rusty, you have gotten SO GOOD on that triangle! This will be the best second grade production of Carmina Burana ever."

Space Oddity.

"It's not so bad," thought Gloria. "I mean, I guess being trapped in the fifth dimension has its shortcomings, but I don't REALLY need to have a hand, or calves, or feet...not here, anyway. I think a girl could get used to this. Wonder if they're still stuck in that wormhole..."

Urgency.

"I'm waiting for my answer, Julie," whispered Lloyd, urgently. "Have I made you weak in the knees, darling?"

Only partly. The rest of the weakness was coming from her lack of blood circulation from those bloody plus-fours.

Intelligent Design.

Pastor Skip and his wife believe everything you need to know about life comes from the Bible. Shall we dip in on what they learn tonight?

"Here's where the blessed miracle of life starts, my children..."Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies."

Zoo Games.

And quick as that, Kenny knew what he had to do...where to hide... to escape his tyrannical nanny forever.

Dinner Party.

Colonel Jenkins was taken aback slightly when Harriet Wimplebeech had, in a feeble attempt to discreetly cleanse herself of her spilled consommé, flashed the entire dinner party. He cleared his throat and went back to enjoying his dinner of boiled beef.

Bag Lady.

Pillow Squawk.

Ever get the feeling that someone is watching you sleep?

Satan Is Real.

He's real! He's really real! He's as real as you and me, Brother Louvin! Let's tell everyone how awesome it is in this fire pit, YEAAAAAAH!!!!

WASP-Wasted.

"Well, you only need one kidney ANYWAY, and while I was at it, I thought - hey, what's a missing rib?"

Cloaked In History.

She wore her scimitar-hurling heritage with a nonchalant pride.

Turkey-Lurkey Cake.

Harvest Time.

...And they feasted together in harmony: the Pilgrims, the Natives, the Scarecrow, the hippie witch, and the politically-incorrect jungle bunnies of Borneo.

Into The Closet.

And thus, Annie's dark secret of transvestism unfurled.

Separated At Birth?

Neil Diamond...and Carl Sagan?

I Will Always Love You...

"Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am free again. Whenever I'm alone with you..."
"Go on."
"I'm having trouble thinking of something that rhymes with free."
"You smell rather nice."
"You make me feel like I am clean again?"

Blind Date: Madge.

Meet Madge. She's single and ready to MINGLE. Right now she's putting together the ultimate boutonniere for the lucky beau to take her to tonight's cotillion. Hope you like roses, fella! Madge spends her time collecting buttons and sewing them onto sweaters. She enjoys a rousing mazurka on 78. She brushes her hair one hundred times a day, and has most of her teeth. Could you be the one?

Gallery of Hideous Living Rooms.

When you really enjoy that feeling of claustrophobia...


The Logan's Run living room only works if you're under thirty years old.


The living room that Freud would never be able to decipher...


The sofa that hides the kind of stains with which you don't want to have contact.


The kind of living room someone mentally ill would create in an interior decorating class.

Dirty Thoughts.

What secrets lay under Raymond's beard? The unspoken thoughts he had about Elinor in that whalebone corset, for one. A sly smile came across her face. Vixen. Jezebel. What she did to the rush of his blood was almost enough to kill a man, or at least stop his watch.

Surely You Jest.

The last thing those old men want to see are pit stains, lady.

Flower Power.

"And once Mr. Gilmore sees this burning pyre of dead flowers on his doorstep, he'll think a fat little girl did it."
"I'm not really sure about this plan, Jeremy..."
"Just shove this under your skirt and waddle, Rusty. Trust me, it'll be a whopper."

Puppetry.

Kevin and Lucy charmed us all that Tiny Talent Night with their handmade puppet rendition of "Lysistrata."

Cry Me A River.

No one ever doubted Yolanda's rivers of emotion.

Fire Water Burn.

Little Freddie loved nothing more on a summer's day than to sit outside, ritualistically frying ants with his magnifying glass and the power of Mr. Sunshine.

For Those Of You With A Lot Of Time...

Sisters!

Hazel was more than happy to find a competent knitter who could, at last, custom-make a cap that took into consideration the head of her unformed twin protruding from the back of her skull.

Dowsing.

Madeline hadn't quite gotten the gist of water dowsing, but she did find that her particular "witchin' branch" had a pleasant ring to it when struck against one's head. It gave her hours of fascination, as did the voices who prompted her to do these things.

Doing The Wave.

"Ooooh I'm SOOOO MAAAAD! GRRRR I'm sooooo maaaad! I'm so mad I made my hair part DO THIS! AARRRRGH!!!!!"